How do I know when it’s okay to kiss?
Good question! When I read this question I immediately thought of the “Kiss the girl” scene from the Little Mermaid (as my head is probably inhabited by too many Disney movies). As I said in an earlier blog post, we are all new to life and we pick up so many confusing messages about things like kissing and dating that it can be hard to know what to think! We are all confronted with cultural messages like “girls should play hard to get” or “guys should make the first move” and other silliness.
Essentially kissing should be something that is reciprocal (meaning both people are actively involved and consenting), fun, and totally free of pressure. Kissing should be like a good high-5: we can tell when someone wants to high-5 us–they have their hand up, they look stoked, and they move toward us. If someone doesn’t have their hand up (or lips!), and are moving away, or just don’t look stoked, don’t high-5 (or kiss) them! These are nonverbal ways of knowing if someone wants to reciprocate our affection.
But to clear up any mystery, you can ask that cute/rad/dreamboat if they would like a kiss! Most people, if they are in the mood to kiss you, will think it is kind, cute, and respectful of you to ask. If they say no, respect their no and don’t make sad faces or pressuring comments (super not cool).
We all get to decide our own boundaries so messages like “girls should play hard to get” or “guys should make the first move” are a total fail. We get to be ourselves and choose what we are excited to do and our dating partners deserve the same!
We hope this helps if you don’t have a singing crab to help you along!
Written by Travis Burdick